Hold On To Me, Love
by Poeticpocochichi
Summary: COMPLETE Haru POV. Ever since she was taken away from that place...she has found a home...in my heart... Young Haru falls in love for the second time which leads into a ill fated confession years later. Based on flashbacks in CH 79 from the manga.
1. PROLOUGE

**Konnichiwa, minna-san!** This is it! My first lengthy fic! See this as a preview of what the story will be about. I love Hatsuaharu's character. He's so much fun to write! I hope you will enjoy this fic!

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**_Hold on To me, Love_**

**By Pocochichi**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Baskets nor Haru or any characters used in this story! Please read, review and enjoy!_**

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**PROLOGUE **

_**Present-time**_

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_I am tired of you._

_**I don't need you anymore.**_

She stabbed a knife through my heart...after all we've been through...only to be hurt. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Always hurting. Crying inside. What did I miss?

The hospital atmosphere was cool as her words. The day was burning hot like the pain I feel inside. Slowing seething inside of me is my mixed emotions. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. I can't let anyone find out about us. I must keep it all to myself.

The walk home from the hospital was painfully draining. I wondered around for hours, harboring my pain. I don't want anybody to see what I'm feeling. I'll betray my own heart. The streets were quiet. The atmosphere was lonely. I walked by the places we always hang out together. Holding hands. Whispering sweet nothings. Running my fingers through those dark tresses. Holding her. Kissing her...

Kuso...How much I already miss those little things.

I came home around dinner hour so mom won't barged me with questions. Like she ever cared. Sitting at her vanity table all day, trying numbers of things to make her face into something else. I don't get her. I just let her do her thing. I'll do mine.

That night I sat in my room by the window. Which is strange...I usually play video games...or read the lastest manga...or something. The dark sky reflected me from the inside. A dark void is sucking me in...slowly...painfully. I closed my eyes and breathe in deeply. Don't take me away. Don't take me away...

The next day was hard to go through. Keeping me and myself together at school. I avoided talking to Momiji in class. I don't want him to know my pain. With his cheerful nature and happy-go-lucky attitude. My pain is the last thing he should experience. Class was a dull as usual. I usually don't pay any attention and copy the notes from Momiji. I stared at the clock, aching to get out...literally. The pain inside of me slowly building...eating my heart away.

When its finally lunchtime. I left the classroom before Momiji caught up with me to eat lunch with Yuki, Kyo and Honda-san. I drifted away from everyone. They must not know about us. They are fighting their own battles...especially Yuki. I wondered around, with hands in my pockets. Displaying my usual somber self. I looked out of the window and saw Yuki sitting on the school lawn and enjoying his lunch with Honda-san, Kyo and Honda-san's two friends. Momiji was with them too. Maybe I should join them, so they won't figure that something's wrong.

As I head down to the school's lawn, I felt a painful tinge inside my chest. What was that? It really hurt. I continued to the lawn to join my friends.

"_Hey Haru," _Yuki said with a light smile. Lately he' s been smiling a lot lately. _"Where have you been? Momiji said you just took off..."_

Kuso...I shouldn't have done that...

"_I just have something to do. Nothing much." _

"_We are glad you are here to join us, Hatsuharu-san," _Honda-san always have such as special aura around her. She make everyone around her feel special. Just what is her secret? My thoughts were interrupted by Momiji's question.

"_What did you think of that story, Haru? I thought it was funny!" _Momiji said as he open a candy wrapper. He sure has a thing for sugar. Wait. What story? I don't remember reading a story in class. Oh...yeah...I was not paying attention.

"_Yeah, it was funny," _was all I could say. That was the last thing I said before the lunch hour ended. Me and the rabbit returned to class. In class, I continue to ignore the day's lesson. Math isn't my thing. It won't make this pain go away.

After school, I ride home with Momji to the Honke. I said my goodbye to him and head straight home...however, I was stopped by as certain somebody.

"_Hello Hatsuharu, how was your day at school?"_

Not him. No...not now.

"_It was alright" _

"_That's good. Perhaps you have a little time to spare...I haven't seen you in awhile..."_

Kuso...kuso...

"_I have some homework to do and I have to study for my math test coming up," _I tried to make up excuses to get away from his clutches. It did not work. He came up and put his right hand on my face with his left on my arm. He smiled. Why is he smiling? What a disturbing smile it is.

"_Homework could wait...I am more important...besides I actually don't believe you're the studious type..." _He slide his right hand from my face to my arms and embraced me.

"_Come with me, Hatsuharu. Hatori's being mean today. Shigure was not nice at all..."_

I don't know what got me asking...but I had to ask...

"_What about Kureno?"_

He stopped and just gave me an evil glare. _"He has work to do." _He lead me inside the main house with me following.

A few hours with him felt like a few hours in a torture chamber. His hands. Those cold, pale hands! Caressing me for hours in a room with one source of light. That cold feeling entered my bloodstream. I can't...I can't...

I...can't...stand...it...

I went home afterwards and went straight up to my room. Mom was out again. Leaving dinner behind. I don't feel like eating when I am nauseated. I jumped into the shower trying to clean off what he left behind. I felt disgusted. I felt disgusting. Despite how hard I tried to clean off my body. I still feel his touches.

I went to my bed, lying there for hours...in my dark room...the void has become larger...sucking me in... Don't take me away...Don't take me away...

I barely slept that night. Waking up with the most painful feeling in my chest.

"_Arrggh!" _

I don't think I should go to school...yet, I can't let the others find out something's wrong...

I force myself to get dressed in my school uniform and my usual attire. The ride for me and Momiji arrived. We were both quiet in the morning. I have nothing to say, just seething in my pain. Momiji haven't had sugar yet. I went to my locker an retrieved my indoor shoes. Then, to class I go...

Time is ticking...How long this will be? I got through the first hour fine...But...this...pain...I couldn't stand the pain arising in my chest. Sweat starts to trickle from my forehead...my hands are shaking...I couldn't sit still... Its opened up...The void... Don't take me away...Don't take me away...

"_Arggh! ARGGH!" **KRASH! (Sound of a broken window)**_

"_Haru!? What...is...Oh no! Don't worry everyone leave here immediately! I'll get help!" _

It's stopped. The pain has stopped. It left me.

After that day...my heart starts to feel at ease when Yuki spoke to me after my rampage in the classroom. I told him about us. It feel so much better to let it out and to have someone know. Now...what's left is my love for her. My longing since we're young...since the beginning I wanted to hold her...

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**AN: **How was that? The first time round I spelled something wrong, so made corrections. If there's something wrong, please tell me! I'll try to get the first chapter in ASAP, but I am working on a number of other projects, like more one-shotters and my orginal work. Oh yeah, if you listen to Evanescence, you noticed that this title is the first line of the song, "My Last Breath". In a way those lyrics could relate to Haru in a way. I should of written a songfic...oh well. See ya next chapter!


	2. Chapter 1 She Was Always Crying

**Konnichawa, minna-san! **Here's the first chapter! This is based on scenes from the manga. I probably changed the wording from those scenes a little, since I don't have translations. However, it's manga-related. If you don't want to be spoiled of who is Haru's sweetie, than don't read. I bet everyone knows who she is by now, especially if you already read my poems! Enjoy! _**I don't own Fruits Baskets.**_

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**CHAPTER 1**

_**Winter 1992**_

_She's always crying..._

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Seven-years ago, life was simple...well simple for a juunnishi. My black side still got me in trouble at school, but not as much. A few years back, I was near expulsion until Shihan and my parents explained to the principal that I am doing something about it. Martial arts was suppose to help me but that didn't work. Then, I met Yuki. He was by the window gazing the view in front of him. When I came face to face with him for the first time outside of the New Years celebration, I went all out on him in black mode. I told him how much I hated the rat and it's the rat's fault that I was laughed at and being called "stupid". All he said was, _"Is it true? Are you really stupid?" _

"_No, I am not stupid," _I replied with anger still at bound.

He gave me a serene smile and said, _"I understand." _

It was that moment when I felt released and relieved. Yuki has eased my anger and pain...

Also, it was the first time I fell in love...

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In late November, seven-years ago, the day of the encounter which will forever change me, started in the dojo with Shihan and Kyo. I remembered after Kyo beat me in another round of sparring and ends it there. I furious with him and demanded another round.

"_No way, we're suppose to end it there," _Kyo said keeping his cool. He's like a little teacher.

"_Just one more Kyo! Come on!" _I felt that same surge of annoyance arising in me. Why won't that cat just fight!

"_Shishou said we are only to do a certain amount, Haru. Don't overexert yourself!" _He was starting to get irritated. I could see the angry marks showing. That's it go all out!

"_Let's go."_

"_No! It not my..."_

**_BAM! _**I smacked Kyo from behind as he was baka neko woke up the other side of me...my Black side. _"Why are you running away, koneko-chan?" _

_"ARRGH!_ _Darn it! Why do you always go black when I don't fight?"_

"_Don't ask questions! Just fight! Let's go!" _I was in my fighting stance ready to kick some kitty butt.

"_You know I'll just kick your butt like I always do! Since you ask for it...I'll teach you a lesson you never forget, you bratty cow!"_ Kyo yelled as he turned around and get into fighting stance. As I head for him, I felt like I am floating...floating? Kyo stopped and looked up. His eyes widened.

"_Session is over for today, you two," _said Shihan holding me with two hands under my arms. _"Kyo was right, Hatsuharu, there is no sparring or fighting after your session."_

"_But...we were just..." _I tried to explain myself. Kyo had his arms crossed and gave me his usual annoyed expression. He just left mumbling something to himself.

"_It's alright. Change out of your GI and I'll take you home."_

"_Yes, Shihan," _I moaned in disappointment. I was mad that our fight was interrupted. Me and Kyo never had a straight round of fighting without interruption...someday I'll beat him to a bloody pulp!

After I changed, I went to the pavilion of the dojo, to put my shoes on. While I put my shoes on, I was mumbling to myself how I almost had a clean fight with the cat. Shihan sat next to me. He slipped on his shoes and gave me a friendly look.

"_Marital arts is just not fighting. Its learning to control yourself. That you have to keep practicing, Hatsuharu." _

"_Hai, Shihan. I'll do my best," _I said as completely revert back to my normal self.

"_I'm glad to hear that. Let's go." _He got up and called out to Kyo, _"I am leaving now, Kyo, I'll come back soon."_

"_Okay, don't be late, Shishou,"_

"_Heh. Okay, Kyo."_

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The day was normal like any other day. Me and Shihan walk along the stone walls which encloses the Honke. Then, Shihan stopped to talk to some of his student who are on their way home. My mind was not on the walk, but how I am going to beat Kyo. I didn't realized that Shihan stopped. I went little further and stopped. There she was...Rin, kneeling on the sidewalk, with her head hanging close to the ground. I walked up to her.

"_Oi, Daijabou desu ka? (Are you okay?) Don't go anywhere. I'll get help. Shihan...Shihan..."_

I ran back to where Shihan was chatting and kept on calling for him.

"_What's wrong, Hatsuharu?"_

"_Follow me." _I lead him back to her. She has collapsed. Shihan carried her carefully with her body supported on his arms. He was careful not to hold her too close or she'll transform.

During that time I didn't know her that well. I see her now and then at the main house during new years and a few times when we're very little. Although we were not close, we were friendly with one another.

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We took her to the hospital and the doctor said something about hidden bruising. I didn't understand exactly, but bruising was all I needed to know. She was beaten by someone...but who? She woke up while I waited outside her room. From the outside, I heard Shihan explaining to her that he's Kyo's adoptive father and the master of the Sohma dojo. However, this doesn't calm her nerves. She started panicking about going home and that she's going to be in trouble. I came in to see what's going on. Behind me, was a woman who said something I wish Rin didn't have to hear...

"_It's alright. Don't bother coming home... we don't know how to love you anymore..." _Then, the doctor came and told that woman to come and talk with him. I was shocked...and yet...more angry.

Boku no Kami-sama! (My God!) How could someone say that! I saw Rin's face with fear written all over it. Her eyes widen. She tried to reach for that woman but that woman left with the doctor. Those hand that tried to reach, gave up. She put them over her eyes and wept softly. As I watch the scene in front of me, I felt her pain burying inside of me. What is she suppose to do? What could she do? Then, I snapped...

"_How could you say something like that! What is she suppose to do now! What are us kids suppose to do when our parents say that! How would you feel if someone said that to you!"_

Shihan tried to keep me calm, but I can't help it. No one could leave after saying those things! _"APOLOGISE! APOLOGISE TO RIN! HEY! APOLOGISE TO HER!" _That woman left with no explanation or apology! Don't tell me that was her...her mother...

"_Haru...Haru...Thank...you," _She said to me as she kneel on the hospital bed, crying.

I just look at her from the side of my teary eyes. I never seen anything like this in front of my eyes. To be left alone...without a place to call home...Her pain has become mine. From that day on, I promised to myself that Rin wouldn't be alone anymore. She will not cry any more...

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**AN:** Awww... Haru is such a sweetie pie! If you see CH 79 of Rin's flashbacks that's a good visual of what a sweetie he is. Alright, read and review! See ya next chapter!


	3. Chapter 2 To Hold Her

**Konnichiwa, minna-san! **To the one who corrected my spelling, Arigato! I tend to be careless in these minor mistakes. Oh well, enjoy the next chapter!**

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**CHAPTER 2**

_**Winter 1992**_

_To hold her_

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Few days after she was released from the hospital, she moved in with Kagura-neechan and her mother. Despite the warm hospitality, she was unhappy and still fighting the hurt that woman left inside of her. I knew I had to do something. I don't want her to drown in her pain.

"_Hey," _I knocked on the glass pane of her window. I could see her sitting by her bed with her head resting in her arms. It looked like she's been crying again. She turned to look at me and then, lifted her head. She got up and met me at the front door. She was wearing a red scarf along with the black dress she was wearing earlier.

"_Haru? What are you doing here at this hour?"_

I just took her hand and lead her to the patio. _"I brought some takoyaki...want some?" _

I sat down and she followed. _"...Is it warm?" _

"_Yes. It's still hot," _I said as I held out the takoyaki towards her mouth. She took a small nip. _"You know you could eat more than that," _I said. She just gave me an blank expression.

"_Thank you for you kindness, Haru," _she said, _"And for that time too...I feel a little more better...thank you."_

I just looked at her, saying nothing. I wanted to tell her that I don't want her to cry anymore or be alone...that I'll stay with her. The words won't come out...I don't know why... I was just a cowardly kid. Afterwards, we took a small walk around the Sohma compound. She tried to start a conversation with me by asking me questions.

"_You're nine years old, ne, Haru?" _

"_Hai." _

"_That means you're two years younger than me." _

When she speaks, she speaks in a small voice. I don't think she could speak any louder, it was a cold winter night. Our breaths could be seen in forms of little clouds of air.

"_Do you like school?"_

"_As long as people don't say anything about my hair, it's okay."_

She smiled a little. It was the first time I seen her smile since that day. _"I really like your hair Haru. It really suits you." _

I stopped walking. We were a few yards away from returning to Kagura-neechan's house. She stopped and studied my face.

"_What's wrong Haru? Did you not like your hair?"_

"_It's...not that..." _

"_Oh...okay. I think I should go back now...thanks for the takoyaki and spending time with me." _

She gave me a little hug from behind and dashed off. _"Ja ne, Haru." _

I didn't say goodbye because I knew I was going to see her again. However, I was relieved that she didn't notice me blushing. I don't know why I was blushing. Nobody has said they liked my hair...but it was something more than that...

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It was close to New Years when I saw her again. We met at the playground after school to hang out. I dragged Kyo along because he was walking with me, plus we're going to Shihan's before practice. I would of brought Momiji too, but he stayed home sick from school. Hatori said he couldn't go out until he feels better.

"_Why do I have to go with you! You could go by yourself! I'll just go straight home!"_

"_It'll be no fun without you , Kyo."_

"_Eh?"_

We arrived at the play ground where she stands waiting. She was wearing a dark blue overcoat over her school uniform.

"_Hey ...What's he doing here?" _She pointed her finger at Kyo. I didn't know that these two aren't on good terms with each other.

"_You..." _Kyo seethed as he stared straight at her. She stared at him back with the same expression. Come to think of it...they looked pretty funny.

"_Am I missing something here?" _I asked, being clueless and all. The two of them said nothing just staring sharply in each other eyes.

"_This one," _Kyo finally broke the silence and lost the staring contest, _"Always barging in my house! Always forgetting to take off her shoes! She's an annoyance to Shishou!"_

"_I am not! I was by myself! Kagura had other things to do and we're not close!"_ Rin defended herself. It's true that she an Kagura-neechan aren't close...especially when she only focused on cat over there.

"_It's not my fault that you're such an antisocial!"_

"_It's not my fault that you're a brat!" _

I just stood there with a stoic look on my face. Those two could rant for hours if they wanted to, but luckily it ended with a little bang.

"_Did someone mentioned my name?" _

Kagura-neechan has arrived. She must of seen us walking this way or she must of followed Kyo...

"_Ahh!" _Kyo started running out of the playground. I never seen him so freaked out. It was definitely a sight to see.

"_Kyo-kun! Where are you going, my love! Come back!" _Kagura-neechan skipped happily chasing her beloved.

"_Hell no! Ahhhh!" _Kyo ran a little faster. He went down the hill from the playground with his fearful lover on his tail.

"_Come BACK! KYO-KUN!" _Kagura-neechan tackled him like an American football player. They rolled around to the bottom of the hill. It seems like she won again...not that they were fighting. Kyo gave up as Kagura snuggled him like her doll.

"_She doesn't give up, does she?" _Rin got my attention after watching the scene in front of us.

"_Mmhm. She had her eye on him since they were tots." _

"_Doesn't she consider his feelings? Not that I cared."_

"_I don't know...does she?" _

We both didn't say anything afterwards, just walked down the hill from the playground. Kagura-neechan still latches herself to the cat's arm, much to his annoyance.

"_Don't worry, you'll live." _I encouraged Kyo as we left the premises.

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At Shihan's house, we had a snack that one of Shihan's assistants prepared and hanged around. Kyo has to deal with two girls he doesn't get along with. One who despises him and the other who loves him too much. I think I have sympathy for him.

Afterwards me, Kyo and Kagura-neechan went to the dojo. Rin stayed a little longer at Shihan's place before she goes home. We agreed to meet again before the new year's banquet.

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"_Over here, Haru," _she called softly from her room's window. I went over to her window.

"_I'll have to leave from my window because Kagura and her mom is still here. I can't stay out long."_

"_I know,"_ I said as I helped her from her window.

We stayed near Kagura-neechan's house, talking.

"_This year Ritsu and Kureno would be dancing in the banquet,"_ she said.

"_Hai." _I responded.

Shortly after, we saw Kagura-neechan leave with her mom. I bet she wanted to leave early to see Kyo. I went up to them and asked her mom if Rin could go with me later. She gave her okay as long we're not late. They walked over to the main house, leaving me with her.

She stood close to me with a frown. _"I don't want to go Haru,"_ she started sob, _"I don't want to see them.."_

I put my arms around her and tried my best to comfort her, _"You won't have to. We could go straight to the juunnishi banquet."_

She put her head on my shoulders, _"Let's do that."_

"_Okay." _My heart was beating slowly but every beat sent a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. Rin was the first girl I could get close to. The first one I could hold. I held her in my arms until it was time...

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**AN: **AWWW! How cute was that? I love that takoyaki scene in CH 79. It was short, but it was cute! Well, this will make up for all the angst later. Read, review and enjoy!


	4. Chapter 3 A Little Crush

**Konnichiwa, minna-san! **This chapter is a tad shorter than the others, but it's short for a reason. Read, review and enjoy!

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**CHAPTER 3**

_**Spring 1996**_

_A Little Crush_

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"_Sohma Hatsuharu, would you please report to the principal office","_

Here we go again. The same old lectures from the same old hag and her henchmen. I calmly walked to the principals office for the third time. Its been like this ever since I first came to junior high. If they got a problem with my looks, then just kick me out of here for being me!

"_Sohma Hatsuharu, I presume. Welcome back to my office. I see that you haven't got rid of that white hair of yours or that inappropriate accessorizing. We don't know what to do with you."_

" _I am sorry, Sensei, this is my natural hair. There's nothing I could do about it." _I know its hard for them to believe that, but it's only the truth. I don't want to dye my hair black...I like my hair.

"_Well, there's nothing we could do anyways...even though we try suspension... I'll let you go Sohma, but please don't yell at the teachers next time. You must learn to maintain that temper of yours and please try to control your level of violation of the dress code."_

"_I got it, Sensei."_

I left with a huge sigh. So...they expect me to be a goodie-two shoes? I'll give them goodies alright! They just encouraged me to go the other way.

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After school, I saw her waiting for me by the school gates. She gets out of school earlier than I do. She has gotten taller every time we meet. Now, she a inch taller than me.

"_How was junior high, Haru?" _She was leaning against the gates, wearing her usual, interesting attire. You could tell we share similar styles. I was influenced by her as she was with me.

"_They don't like my looks or my attitude. It looks like I'll have to get my ears pierced." _I told her my little surprise for the old hag and her minions.

She smiled and laughed, _"Eh? Are you serious... That's a strange way of looking at it."_

I really liked seeing her smile. She doesn't realized how pretty she was when she smiled. There is this tender light that surrounds her with her smiling...

"_Have you eaten yet? I want to go get something..."_

"_Then, let's get something."_

"_Alright!"_ she kept on smiling and talking...must have been a good day for her.

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We went to a local eatery and ordered dinner. She was bothered eating with Kagura-neechan's family...she also hates to eat in front of others...except me. During dinner, we talked about random things...music, school, how many piercing I will have on my ears ...normal teenager talk.

Afterwards, we went over to my house to hang out for awhile. My room wasn't always neat, but it not like she cared.

"_Don't you have homework to do, Haru?" _I wished she didn't point that out. I was going to do it later.

_"Yeah, but its not much. You could find something to do here while I finish it. Then, we could go back out."_ I started to take out my textbook from my bookshelf.

_"Sounds good to me."_ She was behind me, staring at my bookshelf. I went to my desk and pulled a few sheets of paper from my desk drawer and turned to page seventy-five in my English textbook. While I was working, she found a manga from my collection and started reading it. It was an hour of pure silence. During that time, I stole a few glances of her, reading. My mind was not on homework, but on her. Since when she become so beautiful? Long dark hair, soft snow white skin, lips in the shade of cherry red and her body...how did I miss that? It was no surprise that she was very attractive. Even when we're young, I thought she was pretty...but, my god...how did I miss that?

"_Eh? Haru? What is it?" _I was snapped back to reality. Was I that obvious?

"_Betsuni, Rin...just thinking..." _

"_About what?" _Darn, curiosity has gotten the best of her. I couldn't say that I was staring at her, she'll think I am some kind of perverted kid.

"_I'll tell you later." _

"_No, no, Haru...tell me now..."_

If I said something, it would be seemly wrong. What could I say? Think. Think...

"_Do you have a boyfriend?"_

Damn, where did that come from? It's been on my mind ever since she started junior high. Well, her being a juunnishi, it's not possible...but not impossible...

"_No. Why do you want to know?"_

" _I was just curious, that's all. With you almost becoming a high school student. Just curiosity a younger person has for his older counterpart."_

She just smiled and laughed. _"Heh, heh. You're a strange one, Haru."_

"_I know."_

* * *

I was relieved to know that she hasn't have a boyfriend yet...wait...why was I relieved? Heh. Well, what do you know...I have my first crush on a girl. First crush. No. She was not my first crush. Yuki was. First crush on a girl. Yes. However, I always liked her. Ever since we became friends, I became more closer...more connected with her than any other girl. She was my best friend.

* * *

After I finished my homework, we go on our usual walks around the Sohma compound. We saw Kagura-neechan on her way out of her house.

"_Hey Haru-chan. Isuzu," _she greeted. _"What are two up to?"_

"_Just walking," _I answered. _"And you?"_

"_Kyo-kun is at the dojo now! I am just going to drop by and visit him!" _she enthused in her usual hyper-cheery intonation for the cat.

"_Alright. Have fun." _I don't know how to react to her. I have to admit that Kyo is lucky to have a another cursed member to love him...or he'd be distressed without a female companion...not that he could love a normal girl...but to hold...

"_Okay! Ja ne!" _She waved to us and exited the compound with her skips of bliss.

"_I don't know who to feel sorry for...That cat getting pounded with her form of physical love or she not noticing that he doesn't feel the same way."_ She had her arms crossed and seriously stared in the direction Kagura-neechan left.

"_How do you know if he doesn't?" _I cluelessly asked. Damn, I was so oblivious. It should be observable. Kyo was always running and sulking whenever his dangerous femme-fatale is lurking about. He never enjoyed her company. How dumb I could be? Oh yeah, I was just a manga-reading, game-playing, thirteen-year old with no perception on romance...yet.

"_Don't you see? It's too painful for her to see."_

"_Huh?"_

"_You don't get do you? Never mind. You'll understand when you're older." _She contined walking looking somewhat annoyed.

I don't know what to say afterwards. So, I said nothing and continue to walk with her. I was so stupid. Out of all the things I appeared to be, stupid was the last thing I wanted to be. I was like a child who just don't get it. Maybe I didn't understand and she was there to help me understand. Thanks, sweet girl.

* * *

We walked back to my house and said our goodbyes. She said that she's going to Shihan's house to do her studies for awhile, then go back home. She's been going there a lot lately. I guess she has developed a trust with Shihan and felt more comfortable and secure, despite Kyo's sulkings.

That night I sat in my room think about the events today. My attraction to her. Her insight of how she sees somebody else's relationship. Does it reflect how a relationship with her might be like? I could only imagine.

* * *

**AN: **Aww...he could only imagine...for now. That line that Rin told Haru: _"...It's painful to see."_ was the same line she told to Kagura years later in the manga. I got the impression that Rin pities Kagura for being so blind and never consider the cat's feelings...not that she cared...just an observation.


	5. Chapter 4 I Want To Be Worthy

**Konnichiwa, minna-san! **Here's chapter four! I got ten reviews! (twelve after revision) Thank you all who reviewed! I'll give my dedication to you at the end of this fic! For those of you who already read this chapter, the only correction I made is the year. The year of the ox is not 1998 but, 1997 and I wrote Haru as a thirteen year old, and Rin as a fifteen year old. So, I just made the correction from Winter 1998 to Winter 1996- 1997 (which is the new year).

* * *

**CHAPTER 4 **

_**Winter 1996 - 1997 (New Years)**_

_I want to be worthy..._

* * *

"_What?" _

"_I am going to see him."_

"_Again?"_

It was another cold winter, thought it was not snowing. We saw each other after school, like we always did. I told her what I am going to do tomorrow. There was something else on my mind besides her. Yes. Him. New years was only a month away. I was going to wait to see him till then, but I heard through the grapevine that he was not talking. So, I had to see him. The last time I saw him was before I started school in the fall, after summer break. He was always quiet, with subtle tranquility with hidden pain. Despite his quietness, he was never mute. Every time I go, she went with me. She never liked going because we are so near the feared Sohma head. However, that will not stop me from going.

"_I will not let you go alone, Haru."_

"_You don't like going there. Why bother?"_

"_Because I don't want you go alone." _

"_Alright, your call."_

* * *

She glowered at my stubbornness, but I could not leave him alone like that. The next day, I met her at Kagura-neechan's house and walked over to his parent's house. Lucky for us, that none of his parents are around. We sneaked into the back pavilion where his room is located. I slowly slide the door open. There he is, sitting by the window, with his pale face and empty eyes...looking in my direction. I walked over to him while she sat near the entrance way.

"_Please hurry up," _she called softly to me.

I sat across from him and looked into his forlorn, gray eyes. He looked down and turned away.

"_Yuki..." _I whispered, _"It's alright Yuki. Don't let them get to you." _I tried to think of more things to ease him. He looked back at me and opened his mouth partially. It was like he was trying to say something, but the sound wouldn't come out. He lowered his head, ashamed to look at me. _"You don't have to speak. It's alright..." _I looked at him and put my right hand on his shoulders, leaned over and whispered in his ear, _"You'll be out someday. That's a promise." _He gave me a surprised look and looked away. She walked inside and stood behind me. I looked at her with the corner of my eye.

"_I am tired. Let's go home." _

I look out the doors. It was sunset. I got up and walked to her. I took a last look at him and walked out with her back to Kagura-neechan's house.

"_What did you say to him," _she asked. She was in her curious mode again.

"_I told him that he will be out of that place." _

She stopped in her tracks. _"Haru?"_

"_Yeah?"_

Her eyebrows furrowed in worry and anger, _"Don't tell me you are planning to get him out!"_

I smirked and crossed my arms, _"I am not the one."_

"_What are you talking about? It's not like "he" is going to do it!" _

"_I know somebody who could. Don't worry." _

"_Haru..."_

"_It's alright, Rin." _

* * *

New years eve came quickly liked I hoped because there was somebody I want to talk to. She wanted to know whose going to get Yuki out, so she stayed with me the whole time before the banquet. We stood by the entrance, greeting the other juunnishi members.

"_Hatsuharu. Isuzu. It's good to see you two." _greeted the good doctor, Hatori-ni. I heard he been through trauma a few months back when he asked the feared Sohma head, if he could marry his love...no can do. He had an eye injury, but it was healed by that time. I was thankful that he was alright.

"_It's good to see you to, Hatori-ni," _I greeted. I was still wearing my fur-lining coat with stripes on the sleeves. It was not that cold, but I liked it. It was one of my favorites.

She wasn't wearing her jacket, but her favorite dress. The one with the choker collar. It was my favorite too.

Hatori-ni went over to speak with Ayame-ni and Shigure-ni. It looks like they are having fun. When you put Ayame-ni and Shigure-ni together, there's always some kind of excitement going on.

"_Where is he?" _she asked. I have forgotten that I was suppose to speak with someone. I took a long glace at the trio of men chatting gleefully with each other, with the exception of Hatori-ni.

"_He's busy,"_ I said, still watching the group, _"I'll speak to him after the banquet." _

She looked over to see who I was talking about. _"Speak to who?"_

"_You'll see." _

"_Hey Haru! Hey Rin!" _greeted Momiji. _"It is your turn to dance, isn't, Haru?" _I cringed inside without showing it on my face. Oh... kuso! I didn't realize that it was my go that year. Baka ne! I was so caught up in my plan to get Yuki out. How ironic I was to dance along with Yuki.

"_Haru? You forgot again?" _Momiji asked. He lifted his eyebrows in worry. Rin put her hand on my arm and pointed in the direction of the dressing room.

"_I think you should go get dressed..." _she said, lowering her eyes. _"I should have reminded you, Gomen."_

"_It's alright," _I said heading the direction she pointed. Then, I paused and turned to her. _"Rin, he's over there." _I pointed to a man in the winter yukata.

"_Gure-ni? Oh...okay. Gottcha." _she nodded. I smiled at her and left to the dressing room.

* * *

I quickly changed into my costume with the help of servants. Then, exited to see everyone. By this time, everyone had arrived. I greeted the children, Kisa and Hiro; Kagura-neechan and the cat she's clinging on to; and Ritsu. Then, I watched from the distance, she and Shigure-ni. She was sitting next to him as he speaks to Hatori-ni and Ayame-ni. The way she sat close to him make me twitch a little. She has always been this close to him since she was a child, even before we became close friends. I think I was a tad jealous that Shigure-ni already has her trust and protection. I started to think to myself that I wanted to be that person she could confine in. I wanted to be her protector. The one she runs to...when she cries.

"_Haru," _a voice whispered behind me, pulling me from my thoughts. It was Yuki. _"He wants to see us before we go." _

"_Okay." _I followed him to the Sohma leader's room. That dark room Yuki was kept in during his years. We sat a distance away from him. He approached us with slowly, caressing our faces one by one.

"_Welcome back, nezumi (rat) and welcome, ushi (cow; ox). I am grateful for your arrival. I love you both. You may leave. See you at the banquet."_

We bowed to him and left to the banquet hall. First on the agenda, the tradition of excluding the cat was performed. Poor Kyo. Then, our dance was next. Me and Yuki didn't get a chance to practice much because we didn't see each other often. So, we move slowly but gracefully to the music, in the center of the circle of the juunnishi. Finally, enters "god" to see the end of the dance, which means it was the end of the year of the rat and the beginning of the ox.

After the celebration, I went to go change out of my costume and looked for her. Everybody was talking amongst each other, except Yuki, whose sitting next Akito, the Sohma head. He looked bored. That reminded me of what I must do. I saw Shigure-ni laughing along with Kagura, whose pouting. I walked over and sat next to him as he joked, _"You'll make a fine wife someday, Kagura. Especially for him!"_

"_It's not something to laugh about, Shi-chan!"_ She crossed her arms and walked away. She went over to where Kisa sat and ...Rin. There she is.

"_So, you wanted to speak to me about something, Ha-kun?" _

"_Huh?"_

"_Is there something you wanted to speak to me about?" _Shigure-ni gave one of his cunning looks. It's the kind you don't know whether to trust or not. I just got to the point.

"_Is it true that you're leaving the main house?" _I asked.

"_Well, not until next year...why?" _

"_I need to ask you..."_ I leaned over next to him and spoke softly, _"Could you... ask Akito... to let Yuki out...with you?" _

He smirked and held his chin, _"Ha-kun, I have to give you credit for asking. Heh, heh. You know that you have to pay me something..."_

I was glad that he didn't refuse, although that look on his face was bothersome. What could he want from me?

"_Name it." _

"_Alright, don't call me Shigure-ni no more."_

"_Huh? Then, what do you want me to refer you as?"_

"_Sensei." _

"_Okay...Sensei." _

He continued to smile, _"That's more like it. I'll be sure to do my part. Don't worry."_

* * *

That was too easy...almost scary. That look on his face make me uneasy. He was probably planning something...oh well, as along it gets Yuki out. After our little deal, I spotted her staring at our direction. She was watching the whole time. I got up and walked outside to the patio, hinting her to follow.

We stared at the dark view in front of us with a moment of silence. She spoke first.

"_So, what's the news?" _

"_He said that he'll do it."_

"_And?"_

"_And what?"_

She looked at me straight in the eye with creased eyebrows, _"Gure-ni doesn't do free favors! What do you have to do in return?" _

"_Sensei."_

"_Wha?" _

"_Shigure-sensei."_

A look of confusion and annoyance crossed her face. _"Sensei? You have to call him Sensei?" _

"_Mmhm." _I watched her as her face steamed.

"_That is so stupid! He might as well do it for free!"_

"_I don't mind. As long as he kept his end of the bargin, it's alright." _

She sat down, crossed her arms and leaned her head against the post. I sat next to her. _"Why are you mad? We've got what we wanted..."_

"_You got what you wanted. Now, you have to make a fool of yourself..."_ she was looking ahead, avoding my gaze.

"_I gotcha. Sometimes a man's gotta to what a man's gotta do...even though he appeared to be a fool." _

She looked at me, still frowning. _"Whatever makes you happy. I'm okay with it too."_

I smiled. Thank for for understanding, sweet girl.

* * *

After we stayed for the traditional three days, I walked her back home after the last dinner at the main house. It was getting late and we have to return to school the next day. We stood in our spot on the side of Kagura-neechan's house, to hang out before we parted ways.

"_Tomorrow is back to the old routine," _I pointed out. She stood across from me, slouching against a tree.

"_Don't remind me. That means entrance exams for me."_

"_Oh yeah, you have to study for those don't you?" _I remembered.

"_Uh-huh. That also means I won't be seeing you too often." _When I heard this, my heart felt like its slumping. Then, an image of her and Sensei appeared in my mind. Kuso...

"_Don't remind me," _I said as I walked up closer to her. Darn, still short stuff, huh?

"_What is it, Haru?" _She gave an confused expression. I put the side of my right hand to her forehead.

"_You grow up so quickly. I think I am shrinking." _I stood in front of her, still with my hand to her forehead.

She laughed, _"No you're not! I am just growing because I am two years ahead of you! You're so funny!"_

"_Yeah. I have to wait." _With the side of my hand to her forehead, I made quick promise to myself, then we parted ways.

* * *

At home, in my room, I walked up to my full-length wall mirror and put the side of my hand to the mirror and raised it a higher. I thought of that promise I made...

"_When I am tall enough, much stronger...more mature...and worthy...I'll tell her how much I love her and I want her to be my girl." _

That was the deal I never forgotten.

* * *

**AN: **Is that cute or what? In the manga, there's a clip of Haru measuring his height to Rin. It said that he will confess his love for her when he is taller. Sorry for the confusion with the years! Please read, review and enjoy! See ya, next chapter!


	6. Chapter 5 Hidden Feelings

****

Konnichiwa, minna-san! Just before you start reading, I just want to inform you about the changes I made: 

**Prologue: This is A-okay!**

**Chapter 1- Only the year changes (from 1994 to 1992)**

**Chapter 2- The year changes ( from 1994 to 1992); This means its Ritsu and Kureno's turn to dance, not Shigure and Kagura. **

**Chapter 3 - The year changes ( from 1998 to 1996); I was such a baka! I should of known that the manga story of Furbra starts at 1998 (1999 was the year of the new years chapter with Kyo, Yuki and Tohru)! Baka ne! **

**Chapter 4 - The year changes from 1998 to 1999 (1997 being the new year)**

**Now it's 1998 in the story! Geez Louise! I hope I don't confuse you much. Just don't pay attention to it. It doesn't effect the main story much, just my author oblivousness! **

**Enjoy the story! **

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 5**

_**Spring 1998**_

_Hidden feelings._

* * *

The warm breeze begun to take over the cold air at the Sohma estates. It was a sign that winter's ended and spring has begun. I was at Yuki's house, helping him pack up to move in with Shigure-sensei. He does not know about our deal, but thinks that Sensei was doing this out of goodwill. I wonder how Sensei got Akito to agree so easily...some things are better left unknown.

"_Haru, thanks for coming to help me...although I don't have much." _Yuki said with a slight gleam in his eyes. I knew that this was the beginning of a new light for him...even with the emotional and mental scars.

"_I am just glad you're finally getting out." _I smiled as I taped one of the boxes. Yuki put some of his books in the boxes, with a few hesitations.

"_He was kind enough to take me in. I am thankful for his kindness...although there isn't much I know about him. He's the type who like to manipulate others...I don't know." _A look of ambiguity appeared on his face. It was true that Yuki doesn't know Sensei well, even though they stayed in the main house most of their lives. All he knew was that Sensei is not the type that likes to get close to anyone. The type who grows close, only to drift away. The type who pull strings from behind, without anyone noticing. That was why during that time...when I made the deal...I felt the same way.

"_Just keep your eyes and ears open. Be aware what's around you and you'll do just fine."_ I tried to ease his nervousness. I got a smile as a response, so he'll be okay. It's much better than being in this place.

Sensei came over to help load Yuki's things in Hatori-ni's car. He came in with Hatori and yapping away to him how lucky he is to have a housemate. Me and Yuki taped the last of the boxes and Yuki carried one of them and stared in Sensei's direction.

"_Haru... you called Shigure...'Sensei', ne? Why is that?" _My ears perked when I heard him ask because I don't want him to know. Can't let him know...

"_Because Sensei is Sensei." _I said with an unease feeling in my gut. It may not be the whole truth, but its true that people in Shigure-sensei's profession are refer as 'sensei'. So, sensei is sensei.

"_Ah...okay. I was just curious because nobody else in this family refer him in such manner. You were just being polite." _

"_I suppose you could say that." _I got up and lifted the boxes I was taping. We left walked up to the front door. Sensei gave us an unusual cheerful smile with Hatori standing behind him with one of his stotic faces.

"_All set, Yuki? Ha-kun?" _he asked. I nodded. Yuki was looking at the hallway where his empty room is located. He gave a slight smile.

"_Let's go home, Shigure." _

* * *

A few weeks later, a new school year has begun. It was my third year in junior high. Yuki started high school and Rin...a second-year, at an all girls school. I wanted to see her before I left for school. She gets up earlier than I do, so I want to meet with her, to tell her to meet me after school, so we could hang out. She was not there. How disappointing. I went through a day of school wondering if she wanted to see me again. The last time we saw each other was before I went over to Yuki's to help him move. It was only a brief meeting. Since then, I haven't see her lately. I wondered if something came up.

After school, I went to the arcade near my school. Outside, the arcade, in one of the benches, was her. She was reading one of her textbooks, probably doing homework. I was not hesitant to walk over to her.

"_Rin? How was school?" _I asked like a loser. I don't know what to say to her at the moment. It just came out.

"_It's alright. There's nothing special about being a second-year in high school. Just more work." _She was still reading and not looking at me. Is she mad at me? I sat next to her. She still kept on reading.

"_Are you mad at me? We haven't seen each other for weeks. Whatever it is that I done...I am sorry." _

She put her book down and looked at me straight in the eye with a hint of a daze. Her eyes looked tired with dark circles underneath.

"_It's nothing. I am not mad at you...I just need time to myself...with final exams going on and all. It's been awhile, Haru."_ She looked down to her lap, closed her eyes and smiled. Man, she really looks tired.

"_You should really get some sleep, you know. Lets walk home." _She looked up at me and smiled again.

"_Let's go." _

* * *

We walked back to the Sohma compound to Kagura-neechan's house. She looked at the door, then at me. She shook her head.

"_Not now. We have some catching up to to, you know." _I frowned a little because it was obvious that she's not getting her rest. It was not a good idea she put more restrain on herself. However, this is what she wanted. What could I do?

"_Let go to my place, then. We'll catch up on lost times...even though it was only a few weeks." _

She walked by my side and leaned her head over on my shoulder. Her arms interlocking with mine. We started walking to my house. _"A few weeks felt like a few years," _she said with her head still on my shoulders. _"I didn't realize how much you have grown."_

I thought to myself of how oblivious I was of myself. I just realized that I have grown taller...but not tall enough. I am still waiting until that day when I do tell her of my feelings. Curse me for being so damn short!

"_Haru?" _She tugged on my arm, pulling me from my thoughts. One more thing I didn't notice...I was going the wrong way. I get lost, but not like this, close to home.

"_Gomen." _

"_Heh, heh. Sometimes you have to watch where you're going or you might end up in the city,"_she joked.

"_We could go hang out in the city, then." _

"_Ha, ha. That would be fun. Maybe on Sunday?" _

"_Sunday it is." _We walked back in the right direction to my house.

* * *

Over at my place, we both studied and did our homework. After we were done, I went to go get something to eat for the both of us. When I returned she was asleep on my bed. I put the tray of food down on my desk and covered her with my cover sheet and blanket. She looks so peaceful in her sleep. I am still curious of what kept her from sleeping before. Final exams and the hours of cramming (we are both crammers)? Or did _that _return?

For the next hour I ate and read one of my mangas. I kept on glacing at her sleeping figure. So still it laid. I walked over and kneeled by my bedside, admiring the beauty in her sleep. If I kiss her will she awaken and live happily ever after...like a fairytale? I reached out my hand out and touched her face. A warm feeling embraced my entire body. I stared at her forlornly...to be this close...but still far.

Then, her body began to twitch. I strayed away quickly from my bedside and watched her. Her head swayed from left to right. A contortion appeared on her face.

"_Mmmm...Okaaa-saann..." s_he moaned. She continued to move with her legs kicking about. It seemed _that _has returned. I went back to my bedside, held her shoulders and lifted her upper body upwards.

"_Rin! Wake up! It's happening again!_" I said, shaking her lightly. Her eyes opened...with tears.

"_Ew..eee..." _she whined. She continued to cry. I held on to her shoulders and hugged her.

"_It's happening again, isn't it?"_ I said, holding her.

"_Haru..."_she cried.

"_I got it. It's alright. I am here," _I hushed her soft cry. She cuddled in my arms and fell back asleep in my arms. This time I won't let go. Soon, I fell asleep...with her in my arms.

How long could I keep this up? It painful watching her suffer from past scars. I wanted to be her place of comfort, her love...her home.

How long could I keep this up....

* * *

**AN: **Haaaa... Could you feel the romace arising? This is one of my favorite chapters so far. I liked how it all came together. Well, read, review and enjoy the next chapter to come! 


	7. Chapter 6 One Last Time

**AN: **Sorry that took awhile! I was writing my one-shot _Please Say That Once More_. It's a fic mostly about Tohru and Yuki (not a pairing, sorry Yukiru fans!). Now, here's the next installment of _Hold On to Me, Love_. This chapter really express the title pretty well. It's shortest of all my chapters, but there is a reason why. Read, Review and Enjoy!

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

_**Summer 1998**_

_One last time..._

* * *

Summertime. My most favorite season of the year, not only because of the summer vacation, but because it during this time when I become older and grow taller. Soon... I could tell her...

"_What is this suppose to be?" _

"_It's suppose to be curry! What did you thought it was?"_

"_I thought it was miso in its natural state and you didn't prepare it fully..." _

**_WHACK! _(Yuki used the spoon he was holding)**

"_Don't ask me to cook again!"_

"_Owwie...Your so mean, Yuki-kun!" (Shigure cries anime tears)_

Ahaha. Everytime I came over to Sensei's house to see Yuki, they would have an argument what was to be done about their meals. During that time, it's all bad because Yuki was on summer vacation. They have to do takeout again...

"_Why you don't have a housekeeper, Sensei?" _I asked. That was what these two are accustomed to at the main house. It make sense that neither of them knows how to cook or keep the house neat. The kitchen looked like landfill.

"_Our handicap, Ha-kun. It'd be more of a disaster if she seen it." _Oh, I forgotten about that. That darn 'handicap'.

"_Sou ka (I see)." _Yuki came from the kitchen, looking very tired and annoyed. He walked up to me and Sensei with his arms crossed, eyes narrowed.

"_Since Haru's here, let's go out and eat," _he suggested.

* * *

We all left Sensei's place and went to a nearby resturant. After we took our seat and ordered, we talk amongst each other about our plans for summer vacation.

"_I am just going to catch up my studies. Nothing much," _Yuki said, sipping his tea.

"_That's boring, Yuki-kun! You should go outside and experience summer romance!" _Sensei with his usual cheery tone and waving his arms with the chopsticks in his right hand.

"_What summer romance? I think you've been writing too much of that perverted reading material." _Yuki said with annoyance. He picked up his chopsticks and eating his rice with the same expression.Sensei had that sneaky smile creeping up on his face. I knew what he was going to say.

"_Yet, you may never know when it might come around...maybe today...tomorrow...ten years...twenty...Don't be so close-minded, Yuki-kun! Your day..."_

"_Alright! I got the point!" _Yuki interrupted and scowled. He put his chopsticks on his plate and looked down with an blank expression. _"I am...just not interesting in that right now...I have better things to worry about." _

"_Don't worry, Yuki. It'll come." _I said giving him a content smile. I hope that Yuki too will find somebody who would love him as much as I do. He gave me a crossed look, but didn't say anything.

* * *

The next day I went to Kagura-neechan's house to go see her, but she caught up with me on the street lining along the Sohma compound. It was a sticky, hot summer day...a week from my birthday...in the middle of summer vacation. She was leaning against one of the light post lining along the street.

"_Hey Haru, what you're up to?" _she asked. I took notice what she was wearing. A brown shirt laced in the front and black shorts. I'd say she sure knows how to stay cool.

"_I was going to see you. Doing anything today?" _

"_It's too hot to do anything! If you know a cooler place take me there." _A cooler place? Our houses would be cooler places, but that would be boring. Maybe I could take her for ice cream? She likes ice cream.

"_Let's go get some ice cream," _I suggested. It was the only thing I could think of.

"_Alright, let's go." _

At the ice cream parlor, we sat inside, underneath the swirling fans above us. While she was devouring a mint-chocolate chip, I had cookies and cream. We didn't talk much because neither of us has anything to say. I watched her looking out of the window with a content look on her face. She turned to me and smiled.

"_Thanks for the treat, Haru. It's times like these, when I am the most happiest." _

I just gave her a light smile. I was in awe of her words. I should of told her that I was happy too, but I was not completely happy when I couldn't tell her something yet. I hope I could make her even more happier, if I told her how I feel. This time is not right still. I don't feel strong enough to do so yet, although I am tall enough. I need to feel worthy...

"_Haru, let's do this more often, okay? I really like being with you." _

I think she just confessed something...or didn't she?

"_Hai,"_ That's all I could say because I was taken by her words. I reached out for her hand across the table and held it. She looked at me and just smiled. I smiled my most serene smile.

* * *

Later on, I took her back to Kagura-neechan's place. We stood in our usual spot at the side of the house, by the tree. She sat at the base of the tree and signal me to join.

"_Your birthday is next week, ne? I wanted to give it to you then...but I couldn't wait." _She took a necklace off from her neck and put it around mine. _"Happy early birthday, Haru."_

I look at the necklace she gave to me. It was wooden cross pendant hanging on a leather black cord.

"_Thank you," _I said as I held the pendant between my fingers and grasp on to it.

"_It was mine. I had it since that day you found me. I found it a few days later when I was on my way to one of my many hosipital appointments. I wanted you to have it because I want to show you how grateful I am for you." _

Her words were sweetly intoxicating. I wanted it so bad...to inhale that intoxication. I could have...should have...but didn't. I did what I could do...that is...

"_I wanted to show you too, that I'm thankful for you," _I said. I reached for her shoulders and pull her close into a tight embrace.

"_You're too nice, Haru," _she said in our embrace. I didn't want to let go. I feared that someday someone is going to take her from me if I don't say or do anything. This was the best thing I could do at that time for her.

"_Stay like this...for me...Rin," _I said as that fear ebbed into my heart. I stroked her long, smooth dark hair and buried my face into the crevice of her neck. I felt the smoothness of her hair on my face. I held her tighter.

"_I will." _I felt her fingers stroking through my hair and her head on top of mine. As I held her I felt a sting of tears from my eyes.

_"Haru? Are you..." _She held me closer to comfort my tears. That was probably the last time I cried.

* * *

I knew at that time, that this is the last time we'll hold each other as friends. As family. Next time...what will happen next time between us? I feared that I might scare her away if I told her and our friendship will falter or that she'll find someone before then and leave me behind. I don't want our friendship to end...but I could let her be with anyone else.

Let me be hers...as she will be mine...

* * *

**AN: **We all know what's coming, ne? See ya next chapter!


	8. Chapter 7 Because I Love You

**AN: **It's finally here! The scene all you Haru/Rin fans been waiting for! Please read on! This is my second editing of this chapter. Thanks to **Haru and Kisa Lover **and **Aikaishi** for looking at it more closely than silly me! (embarassed).

* * *

**CHAPTER 7**

_**Fall 1998**_

_Because I love you..._

* * *

"_Is it true?" _

"_That's just a rumor. You'll have to go Shi-chan's house to see. " _

It was early September when I heard a rumor that an outsider, a girl, found out about our curse and moved in with Sensei, Yuki and Kyo, who just returned from training in the mountains. I spoke with Momiji about it. It seemed that he doesn't know much about it either. I wanted to find out more before I go over there myself.

* * *

Kagura-neechan went over to see her beloved and to meet this person. I thought the real reason she left was because she was nervous that a girl was living with her neko-chan. After she spend the night at Sensei's house, she returned with news. I was sitting with Rin outside of her house when she returned.

"_Oh, Isuzu... Haru-chan, you're here...I met her." _

"_What was she like?" _I asked. Rin just sat silently and listen. Kagura sat beside me and told me and Rin about the girl who found out about our secret. _"Her name is Honda Tohru. She was very friendly, polite, and she also complimented me! She agreed to keep our curse a secret and became Shi-chan's new housekeeper!" _she said with a light smile. Then, her smile faded. _"However, she also said she liked the cat from the zodiac...I won't let her take him from me! She's my rival!"_

"_I think you are overreacting." _How could Kyo fall in love with a stranger? Or better yet, how could he love a girl he couldn't hold?

"_I hope you're right, Haru-chan."_

* * *

Afterwards Kagura went back inside. Me and Rin left Kagura's house and walked to a nearby eatery to have dinner. We sat a corner table in a dim lit restaurant. After we ordered, she remained quiet the whole time. She was worried about that girl.

"_Is everything alright?" _I asked. I held out my hand to hers. _"If it's about Honda-san, there's no need to worry. Kagura-neechan already met her." _

"_It is not that, Haru,"_ she said looking into my eyes. She had a serious look. _"Another to be involved means more trouble."_

"_With him?"_

"_Who else?" _She frowned and looked away, pulling her hand away from mine.

"_Rin...he was the one who let her stay with him. I heard it from Hatori-ni." _

"_But still..."_

"_It alright, sweet girl." _I reached out for her face and caressed it. _"With Sensei, Yuki and Kyo with her, there's nothing to fear." _

"_Okay, you win," _She turned away from me and await our dinner as it being served.

For some reason, she had been avoiding my touches during that time. She was probably a little conscious about a feared someone. I wanted to take that all away...whatever means it takes. Even if I had to force myself to be...the aggressor. I had to show her that its not wrong for someone to love her...

* * *

Months later, we didn't get a chance to see each other much because I had to prepare for my high school entrance exams for the next year. For some strange reason... Akito-san wanted me and Momiji apply to Kaibara High, the same school Yuki, Kyo and that girl, Honda-san goes to. I thought it would be fun to go to school with Kyo again. That meant more fights for me.

* * *

In late November, I saw her walking home from school. She has been staying in school at later than usual because she had problems with some of her tests. She always had to retake them. I caught up with her and took her out to eat. We talked and laughed about Hatori-ni and Momiji's encounter with Honda-san at her school. It was pretty hilarious that Momiji made a scene at the Kaibara High cultural fesitval. I wish I could of seen it. I also heard that Yuki was wearing a dress, but that was just a bad rumor.

I told her since it was the weekend, she could come over for awhile at my place. Mom and Dad was out again. She only came over when they are not around. I didn't want her to feel arkward and out of place.

"_I have some reading I needed to do before Monday. If you don't mind..."_

"_It's alright...just keep me company." _

I made some tea for us and served it on a small table in my room. She was sitting on my sofa catching up with her reading. I watched her in her most peaceful moment ever. We were sitting so close together, like it's natural. We could be even closer if one of us just move closer...

"_Rin..."_

She looked up at me with the most innocent pair of eyes I seen. If I ask...will it go away? Only one way to find out...

"_Do you..."_

I must say it or none of us will.

"..._want to kiss?" _

A shade of red took over her face and her eyes widen and a look of worry appeared on her face. _"W-Why?"_

"_Because I love you...that's why. I don't want to see you with anyone else."_

She gave me a frightened look. _"I am happy that you love me...but...what about... Haru...what about..." _she hesitated and dropped the book she was reading. Then, cried out, _"Is it really alright to be seen together?! What about Akito?! What if he...finds out about..." _

There she was crying once again. I really hate it when she was hurting all alone. Sweet girl, I wanted to be the one who takes it all away...

"_Did you think I pited you? Rin...I always loved you." _I moved closer and put my hand on her face and pulled her closer, facing each other. I could feel the heat of her breath. She stared at me with frighten, teary eyes. That aggression I had been holding back took over. All kinds of strange feelings rushed through my body.

"_Rin, do you love me? Do you not want me?" _

I sat up and brushed her hair aside and pulled her close to me. I immediately forced my lips across hers. Her hands touched the skin beneath my shirt, while kissing me deeply . Her legs sat in between mine as I felt the heat emitting from her body. I pulled her into a tight embrace, run my hands up her back to her head and devouring the feeling of the softness of her lips. The blood in my veins rushed to my rapidly beating heart. Her heartbeat was also moving rapidly along with mine. What was this feeling? Was this what it felt like...to fall in love? It was so addictive...I did an inevitable thing.

I picked her up like a newlywed bride in my arms and pulled her down to the sheets of my bed. She ran her hands under my shirt again...to remove it. I pulled her uniform over her head as we continued to entertwine our bodies into one. Hours of our bodies heated alongside one another and our lips rubbing against one another lasted into the night. Sending me off into a world no one could enter...but us.

Afterwards, I woke up in the morning with her gone. I wondered what happened was just...no...it wasn't. I really did happen...my first kiss...my first lover.

No longer, she will be alone...

* * *

**AN: **Whew. That was tough to write, if you know what I mean (inexperienced love scene writer). The last love scene I wrote was mellow compared to this. I don't write "sour fruits", not because it's not allowed, but because I am uncomfortable writing. This is the best I could do (tries to keep it PG rating). As I mentioned, this is my second editing of this chapter because of my grammar disorientation. Thank you two who helped. Also, there is only three chapters left, plus an epilogue in Rin's POV. Ja ne! 


	9. Chapter 8 The Light at the End of the Tu...

**AN: **This chapter is Haru's viewpoint during that scene from volume three, when he met Tohru. Most of the lines came from Toykopop's translation. I would acknoledge them in advance. Arigato, Tokyopop! Please read and review and enjoy!

* * *

**CHAPTER 8**

_**Winter 1998 - 1999**_

_The light at the end of the tunnel..._

* * *

It was time for another new year celebration. 

"_Hey Haru! What do you think? It's cool, ne?" _Momiji showed me his costume for the juunishi dance. It was his and Kisa's turn to go.

"_Very cool,"_ I said in a subdued tone. It was boring standing around the entranceway, waiting for Sensei, Yuki and Kyo to arrive. She was already inside probably sitting with Kagura- neechan and Kisa. I was told by Hatori-ni to wait for Sensei and the guys. Momiji was running up and down exicitely the hallway, showoff his costume to everyone. I was looking forward to an end-of-the-year fight with Kyo, until Sensei arrived...alone.

"_You're late." _I said bluntly. _"You are the last one here." _

Sensei waved and grinned, _"Hey Ha-kun, Thanks for coming to greet me. Long time no see." _

I asked about the absent duo, _"Where's Yuki and Kyo?" _

"_Umm...how shall I put this?" _He smiled his goofiest smile, _"Well, to be blunt...they ditched." _

I was surprised that both of them didn't come, especially Yuki. In a way I am glad he didn't come...he'd be stuck with Akito if he did...and Kyo for once knows how to stay out of Kagura's reach...not that I was against her excessive love. _"Oh, I can imagine Kagura raging like fire...and Akito quietly steaming...What are you going to do, Sensei?"_

"_I'll take care of Akito," _he sweat dropped. We started to walk towards the banquet hall, although, Sensei had to see Akito first. I was thinking why the two skipped out. Are they running away? I was really pissed that Kyo ran away from our ancipated fight.

"_Man...and here I was planning to challenge him to one last fight for the year. I guess I'll have to take it to him in the new year." _

"_Ha-kun, don't destroy my house..." _Sensei responded nervously.

"_But I do understand why they'd want to skip out. Even I have things I can't stand and sometimes even I want to run away..." _

"_No, no, this year I don't think...it's because they're trying to run away..." _Sensei stated. I didn't understand what he meant during that time, not until I met Honda-san myself.

Momiji ran down the hall to tell us the banquet was starting. As me and Sensei parted different directions I told him I wonder how Akito would handle the news. Afterwards, I went to the banquet hall and sat next to Hatori-ni and watched the dance between Kisa and Momiji.

Soon after it was over, the two dancers left to change. I immediately went to her. She was sitting beside Sensei and his two friends.

"_Rin..."_ Her name just slipped between my lips.

"_Haru? What is it?"_ She looked up at me. Sensei was eyeing me from the corner of his eye. That was not a good time to ask Rin to come and spend the new years with me.

"_I just want to say...Happy New Year...that's all." _I glanced at Sensei and walked off. How strange for him to look at me that way...it was like he knew...about us. We agreed not to tell anyone of our relationship. However, somebody was bound to know. Did she tell him?

"_Hey Haruu!" _greeted Momiji as he waved from the area he was sitting. Next to him was Hiro, Kisa and Kagura, whose not in the best mood. She looked so sad that a certain someone did not show up. She was not the only one whose feeling moody! I couldn't get to my girlfriend because someone's eyes are upon us.

I sat with the group, feeling crappy...even if I don't show it on my face like Kyo. That baka neko was suppose to be here! Someone needed to feel the wrath of my frustration. Kyo was the perfect person. I'll confront him... alright.

* * *

After the celebration was over, I met her outside of my house. I didn't tell her about my frustrations with our hidden secret. She doesn't need to know. Since my folks were out for that night, she stayed with me throught the night. 

"_I am going look for him, starting tomorrow." _I told her as we laid down along side another.

"_Are you serious? Just for a fight?" _she laughed a little. _"Are you prepared?"_

"_I am always prepared,"_ I said as I took her in my arms.

* * *

The next day, I set out in the morning to look for my opponent. However, before I knew it three days passed by and I couldn't find my bike. I was exhausted so I laid in the grass along the roadway, until someone came my way.  
__

_"Gomen! Ahh...y-your hair is so white...I thought you were an old man...and maybe you were in trouble. It was my mistake! Gomen!" _

It was her. Honda Tohru. She knew about the Sohma family when I asked her for directions. She was just an ordinary high school girl. As she was trying to introduce herself to me, I could hear my opponent from miles away. I took out my material to catch the cat: a piece of string. Honda-san was behind me, probably wondering what I was doing. I tied the string to one of the road railings and tugged on it.

_**BAM! **(Kyo crashed head first into the concrete). _

"_Got him."_

"_A-Are you okay Kyo-kun?!" _Honda-san ran up to the fallen neko.

"_Eh?...Honda-san?" _Yuki was catching his breath from the race he and Kyo had earlier.

"_What in the hell did you do that for?!" _Kyo snapped at Honda-san. _"Right when I finish past Yuki-" _He hesitated when I interrupted.

"_I had no choice. You wouldn't have stopped any other way." _

"_Haru...?" _

Kyo had a bloody mess on his forehead. Well, that was what he deserved after ditching new years! Yuki gave a formal introduction of Honda-san to me. After that, I immediately impelled Kyo to start fighting. He kept on refusing me like he always had done in the past! The koneko-chan's damn whining was really pissing me off!

"_Look I said I won't and I won't! Just go home-" _I shut him up with a head butt. Heh.

"_Blady, blah blah! Enough with your damn yapping! A REAL man answers any challenge. But, then YOU'RE just a koneko-chan. TIME TO DIE! MUWA! HYA! HYA!" _That baka neko should of just fought me while I was more mellow and white. I tend to lose all train of thought every time I go black. I got the fight I asked for and also got my ass kicked, until Yuki had a minor asthma attack.

* * *

We took him back to Sensei's house on my back. Yes, on my back. I transformed into my junnishi form so we could take Yuki back home. He wanted to stray away from the Sohma house. After we got to Sensei's house, I called Hatori-ni about Yuki's conditon. Kyo was insulted of my warning (not to fight Yuki in his sleep) and went back to school and Sensei left to go get Honda-san and Yuki's things. 

I was alone with Honda-san. I noticed that Yuki and Kyo gotten along ever since she came into their lives. I told her my past story with Yuki and why he was my first love. I also told her to call Yuki by name because he would be very happy. When I watched her calling him by name, Yuki blushed and transformed. It was very cute.

In the evening, Shi-chan and Kyo came home sick and Hatori-ni had to take care of them, plus Yuki. I said my farewell to everyone and a thank you to Honda-san. I left, feeling like something good was coming our way.

* * *

"_Did you fight?" _Rin called out as I walked out of Sensei's property. She was waiting for me. I continued walking and she followed behind. 

"_Yeah. I need to train more." _

"_Heh. He did again didn't he?"_

"_Mmhm." _I winced a little of that reminder.

"_What about her? What was she like?" _

I thought about Honda-san and turned back smiled at her. _"She was everything everyone said her to be. Kind. Patient. Considerate. Rin too...would like her."_

She gave me another one of her innocent looks. I was thinking Honda-san would be a good friend for Rin. As a female friend. Rin doesn't have any. I stopped and reached out for her hand and squeezed it tight.

"_Someday...Rin too will meet her. Like a light at the end of the tunnel." _

"_I like to stay with you...my only light." _she said looking down, holding my hand. I looked at her and lightly smiled.

"_Alright. I was just hoping someday..." _

"_Haru, you're being too kind."_

"_I know." _

I took her home and we stood in our usual place by the tree at Kagura-neechan's house. In her quietness, I supposed she was thinking about Honda-san or something else I might not know about. We sat at the base of the tree and stared at the nightly sky above us.

"_Haru..."_ She finally broke the silence.

"_Hmm...?"_

"_I love you...only you." _

I took her in my arms, held and kissed her. _"Rin, I love you too." _

I wondered what was she thinking about...

* * *

**AN: **If you read the current chapters, Rin and Tohru are closer than before and Tohru currently knows about her and Haru. Haru was right, Tohru was somebody Rin needed. That was the point of me writing this chapter and this is the last lighthearted chapter (just to inform you ahead of time). The next two chapters are the most angsty as it dwindles down to that "day". So be prepared! Till then, see ya! 


	10. Chapter 9 In the Shadows

**AN: **The second to last chapter! It's not as angsty as I hoped to be, but a little is enough. It's a little lighthearted in their little scenes together, but you'll see where the angst builds up. Read, review and enjoy!

* * *

**CHAPTER 9**

_**Spring 1999**_

_In the Shadows..._

* * *

"_Hey Haru," _she greeted me with a hug and a kiss as she came inside my house. As she was trying to let go, I held on to her tighter, kissing her all over her neck.

"_Aren't you all kissy today?" _she giggled. _"Hey...tell me about school. How was the first day of high school?" _

"Mmmfmm." I still had my face in the gap of her neck.

"_You will have to stop..." _She was interrupted becauseI kept on kissing her. _"Haru...talk to me for a min..." _

"_Come with me...and we'll talk..." _I took by the hand and escorted her in the direction of my room.

After our dalliance, I sat up on my bed with her beside me. She held on to my arm. _"Now could we talk?"_

"_Okay." _

"_As I was saying...how was school?"_

"_Heh. Do you really want to know?" _

"_Yeah...unless you're hiding something..." _

"_I messed around with the student council presdient and Akito visited."_

"_What!?" _She had a shocked look on her face. I couldn't tell if she was shocked that I was messing around or Akito. Probably both.

"_Messing around?! Akito?! You have to tell me everything!" _she gave me a light smack on my arm with her fist.

"_Well, the moronic president was picking on me and Momiji, so I shook the crap out of him." _

"_Ah..."_

"_I also had to prove my white hair is natural..." _

"_How did you?...Oh...no...you...did not!" _She blushed. I thought she wouldn't guess how I did it. Yet, she of all people should of known...she shoved me a little with a little frown.

"_I had to shut him up." _I said coolly.

"_Enough about that... What about Akito?" _

"_He came a little later...I didn't meet him personally, but I bet Yuki did. Honda-san too." _

She hugged her knees and stared out into space, silently. A look of trepidation was on her face. I put my arms around her and pulled her close. _"They smiled afterwards. We played badmiton together at the school court. Yuki was smiling." _I spoke softly. _"That proves that she could do it. She could make it go away." _

Even, today... I still believe that she does wonders.

* * *

Later on into the evening, she left because my parents were home at that hour. After I ate a silent dinner with them. Mom told me that he wanted to see me because he didn't get a chance at when he visited my school earlier. I knew he would want to see me. He needed somebody to "feed" on if he couldn't get his hands on anyone else.

"_Hatsuharu...welcome..." _He greeted me with a low, cool tone. I walked in and sat a distance from him. The room was dark and cool. I could feel the goosebumps rising from my skin. Was I afraid? No. The room was just too damn cold. He walked up to me slowly with an eccentric smile creeping up his face. He looked down at me and lowered down to put his hands on my face and gazed at me with his face too close for my comfort.

"_What man you grown into, Hatsuharu. Already in high school, with the others...soon you'll grow older and find someone of your desire..." _

He said that last word breathing into my ear. What was he doing? Seducing me? I tried not to display the look of disgust I have inside. He wrapped his arms around my neck and whispered,

"_When you do...you'll leave my side, won't you?" _

He was in one of those moods again. After seeing that Yuki was no longer living with him, he got into these "moods" where he ask one of the junnishis, especially me... if they would stay by his side. Of course, I couldn't deny him... or he might explode.

I just looked at him with my usual blank expression and shook my head. He smiled and hugged me.

"_You know I love you very much, Hatsuharu." _

* * *

I had a very disturbing night afterwards...tossing and turning in my sleep. A nightmare in a dark, cold room. He was there and so was she. He said that he should be my only love in my life and that nobody could replace him. There she was crying. I couldn't reach her. My body wouldn't move. I couldn't speak. Only watch. He took her by the hair and swung her against the wall. He beat her until her entire face was covered in blood. He held her head up and spoke to her.

"_You disguting little wretch! How dare you defy me! You touched my things! Digusting, filthy creature! You should burn in hell! While I am at it...I should rid of you...in front of him!" _

My dream ended in bloody scream. I woke up with sweat soaking my pillow. My entire body felt numb. I instantly got up and took a cold shower. Various of fears rushed through the blood of my veins. He wouldn't kill no one...would he? He was capable of hurting. It happened to Hatori and Kisa. However...will he kill?

* * *

After my shower, I stared out of the dark sky. On my alarm clock, it was four in the morning. I quickly put on my school uniform and left to Kagura - neechan's house. I must see her to rid of my fears. I knocked on her window a few times to wake her. She got up slowly and dragged herself to the window.

"_Hmm...Har...Haru...what are you..."_

I immediately hugged and kissed her as I climbed through the window. _"Haru? What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing, love...I just want to see you. We should walk to school together." _

"_But we go to different schools."_

"_I wanted to walk you to your school. Let me be a real boyfriend." _

She blushed, _"That's cute of you, Haru. Let me get ready." _A smiled appeared on her face as she was heading for her closet. I smiled slighty, then frowned after she left. As long as he doesn't find out. It would be alright.

* * *

We left her house and walked hand to hand to her school, which was more closer than mine. She was smiling and talking, while I was drenched in my own apprehension. Ever since that dream, I felt like I needed to be with her more. I had to protect her. We parted ways at the gate of her school and I departed to go to mine.

Following a quiet second day of school, I went to her school to meet up with her halfway. We ate at our usual eatery for dinner. She seemed modest the whole time, talking about the tattoo I gotten last week and the newest hits with our favorite bands. It reminded me how we used to be, just friends hanging around.

Afterwards, we went to my house to finish our homework. It was an atmosphere of silence. Only the sounds of my pencil rubbing against paper could be heard. She was reading her Japanese literature book. We were distracted by a few kisses, but we managed to get our work done. Our evening ended with lovemaking.

She looked at me with a little sense of shyness. _"I wish I could be your heart, Haru...we will always be together." _

"_Then, we couldn't kiss," _I said as I reach over to kiss her. _"Couldn't hold each each other... I like it this way." _

"_I never want to leave your side...never."_

"_Then, don't leave."_

"_I wish I could stay longer...but it's not possible." _

"_I'll stay with you then." _

"_As long as possible..."_

"_Yes." _

* * *

Little did I know how important that day was. That was the last time she told me she wanted to stay with me. Also, that day comforted me of my fears of losing her. In my mind, during that time, we were always together. It never crossed my mind that it could happen...that could happen.

* * *

"_Hatsuharu, you won't leave my side, right? That's right, you being the idiot you are...you're not stupid enough to do so." _

What he doesn't know it that I'll always stay by hers...even from the distance...in the shadows.

* * *

**AN: **Yay! Two chapters in one day! The sad news is that there is only one more and an epilouge from Rin. Thank you all for reading! See you in the next chapter!


	11. Chapter 10 Fallen

**AN: **Here we are the last chapter! (Cries) Don't worry! There's an epilouge in Rin's POV next!

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 10**

_**Summer 1999**_

_Fallen..._

* * *

Another sticky summer came along...vacation was not far away....

I spent most of my days alone playing video games and reading manga. Sometimes I went over to Sensei's to eat some of Honda-san's delicious ginger pork. The days of me and Rin had grew shorter every time she came over. It was that one day when I heard about her...from Hatori-ni. He was talking to Sensei in his office. I was just passing by after a brief visit from to a certain haunter of my dreams.

"_She's back there again...Rin...she has returned to that place." _Hatori-ni said to Sensei, whose sitting across from him.

"_What happened this time?" _

"_She fell." _

My eyes widened when I heard those two words. I told myself that this couldn't be happening...I raced out of the honke as quickly as possible and rushed to the hospital.

* * *

When I arrived, there were two nurses at the front desk. They gave me a odd look and one of them asked, _"May I help you, sir?"_

"_Yes. Do you which room Sohma Isuzu is in?"_

"_I am sorry sir, visiting hours are over. Please return tomorrow between these hours." _She pointed to a sign by the sign-in clipboard. It said I could return between twelve and six. I was feeling impatient, but I just thank the nurses and left.

* * *

That evening, I sat at my desk in my room, thinking where did I go wrong. I was so furious at myself that I was unable to catch her when she fell. How come I wasn't there? Was it becase we didn't see each other like we used to? The air in my room started to get warm from my contemplation so, I took a walk outside.

It was more cool outside. I unconsciously took a walk to Kagura-neechan's house and sat at our place, by tree. I rest my back at the base of the tree and closed my eyes. Images of her smiling and talking appeared in my mind. Is this where I fail? Do I really deserve her now?

"_Haru-chan? What are you doing here?" _I opened my eyes to see Kagura standing in front of me. She was holding a few books and had a backpack on. Did she just came from class? She being in college and all, I supposed that she did.

"_I was just hanging out. Resting here." _

"_Oh...okay. Do you want to come in? There's something I want to tell you."_

"_I already know. I tried seeing her today." _

"_You did? Did you see her?" _

"_No. Tommorrow I will." _

"_I haven't seen her yet. Maybe tomorrow I could go if I had a chance..."_

"_You're busy with college?" _

"_Yeah, our finals are coming soon."_

"_Same here." _

"_Well, I have to go do some studying...but you could come if you want." _

"_Thanks." _

* * *

I went with Kagura-neechan and had some tea. While she was studying in her room, I went to Rin's room. The room was very neat. It must be cleaned by Kagura's mother. I looked around and sat on her bed. I lied down and sunk my face into the fluffiness of her pillow...her scent was still there. The sound of her laughter, her scolding and her cries echoed through my head.

* * *

"_I wish I could be your heart, Haru...so we could always be together." _

I want you here with me, to kiss, to hold.

"_You are too nice, Haru." _

I know.

"_W-Why?" _

Because I love you.

"_It's painful to see."_

Was it painful?

"_You'll understand when you're older."_

Now I understand...

"_Thank you for you kindness, Haru." _

You're welcome, love.

"_I love you, Haru." _

I love you too, Rin.

* * *

I fell into slumber and then, Kagura-neechan came to wake me. _"Haru-chan...you'll see her tomorrow, don't worry."_ I went home with a blank mind. In the next hours, I felt nothing. A numb feeling took over my mind and body. I didn't want to laugh or cry. I didn't want to yell or say nice things.

School felt like nothing that day. The teacher words were empty. The student's words were empty. I sat through lunch with the crew...I couldn't hear their words. Luckily, nobody took notice of my extreme oblivousness and took it as part of my normal persona. After school, I told Momiji that he could ride back home himself because I had something important to handle.

* * *

I went back to hospital and saw the same two nurses. One of them smiled at me and said, _"Souma Isuzu, ne? Room 314." _

"_Arigato." _I bowed and left to search the room. After asking three nurses, a doctor and a patient, I finally found Room 314. I opened the door, slowy. It felt heavy on my arms. It was not that I was weak physically, but mentally and emotionally. There she was with a bandage over her left eye and the right side of her neck. She was resting on several pillows, sitting up. Her head turned from the window she was looking at, when she saw me.

"_Haru..."_

"_Rin...how are you feeling?"_

"_Just tired." _She turned away from me and back to the window. I walked over closer to be near her, then she turned back and narrowed her eyes a little.

"_Stay where you are. Don't come any closer." _

I was stunned that she would say something so harshly. I wonder if I did anything wrong.

"_It's best you keep your distance because this is the end. **I am tired of you. I don't need you anymore.**_"

She had an expression void of all emotion when she said those words. It was like she felt nothing for me. So stern. So cold...were those words. I just stood there with the same impassive appearance I always distinguished. Her eyes looked stonily into mine.

"_You have no obligation to be here. Please go."_

"_Goodbye...love." _I whispered as I bowed to her and left her room with a knife through my heart.

* * *

Days after my classroom rampage, my pain has become my desire. Now, just like when I was when I was younger, I longed for her once again...to have and to hold for the rest of my days.

Please return to your home in my heart...

...and hold on to me, love.

**FIN **

* * *

**AN: **Aahhh! SO SAD! How did you like the fic? I am happy with my first completed full length fan-fic. If you want to read another good Haru/Rin fic, I suggest you go to the Fruity ML on yahoo and ask for the link to Ysabet's Haru/Rin fic, _Fear of Falling. _It's super good! It what got me loving this pair! Alright, the next installation is an epilouge in Rin's POV.


	12. EPILOUGE

**AN: **Thank you all for reading! I hope you'll look out my next long fic (shameless plug) **_Summer's End_**. It's a Yuki/Machi fic. There aren't too many of those...that's why I am writing it as well as being a fan to the new pairing. Sorry to Yukiru fans! If you like Shigure, look out for the two one-shots with him: **_Naughty by Nature _**(His POV) and **_My Angel, Their God _**(Gure/Akito). Enjoy!

* * *

**EPILOUGE**

_**Present-time**_

_I am tired of you_

_**I don't need you anymore. **_

* * *

When those words were said, I was not lying. I really don't need him anymore. As harsh as it sounds, I didn't mean it that way. He needs to understand that I have my own priorities...he was the priority. I can't let him know that I am searching a way out for him. Now, that I am out of his way, he could find a new path in life...and I'll be the one who will pave that path.

* * *

After summer vacation ended, I encountered with that meddling rat, whose prying into our business. What right did he have?

"_Rin, you were trying to protect Haru weren't you?" _

Damn him! He made me so angry that I blurted out the real reason why he's living outside.

"_Do you know how you got out? It was because of Haru! That's right...he made some half-baked deal with Shigure to let you live with him!"_

I started to hit him where it hurts and I couldn't get myself to stop. He was sticking his damn nose where it doesn't belong!

"_Stay out of my business! This is none of your concern, you...you bastard!" _

I really overdone it. Haru thought so too...

"_Bastard, huh? Bastard is not a nice word...Rin." _

After a brief moment with that rat, he started to come closer to me...reaching out.

"_Stay away from me... Don't come any closer!" _I yelled.

"_So you want it that way. Fine. It doesn't matter if I die..."_

What was he talking about? Die? Right when I got lost in my thoughts, he took advantage, pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed me. I was shocked he would do that, even when we are not together anymore. The kiss felt so familiar...that I couldn't let go.

He held me close and spoke softly next to my ear. His voice was like a soft lullaby.

"_Of course I'm lying._

_To talk of dying..._

_Rin... Did I... understand nothing? _

_I intended to try and understand everything about you. _

_Did I Did I miss your greatest cry? _

..._Rin...in the end..._

..._you're still that little girl unable to go on her own. Still crying..."_

WHAT?! I wish he didn't say that! I smacked him across the face for underestimating me and ran off to a nearby area to vent off my frustrations. He doesn't understand or know that I am doing this on my own for his sake! In the end, I may not be strong in many ways...but I am learning to fight on my own.

Just because I broke up with him and slapped him doesn't mean I don't love him anymore. I still do. It's just that I couldn't be with him anymore...not after that...

"_He doesn't need you! You don't derseve him! How dare you touch my things! You should pay, you hag!" _

I couldn't let him get hurt.

That man was right. I don't deserve him. He don't need me. I have done nothing for him after all the years he has given everything to me. I won't let that devil have him! I won't let him suffer under his spell of manipulation! I have to find it...the end of a bad dream.

When that day comes, Haru would be able to go on his own... free of everything...of Akito...of the curse and...of me.

* * *

_Hold on to me love   
You know I can't stay long   
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid   
Can you hear me?   
Can you feel me in your arms?_

I miss being with you. You were everything to me. Although, I am fighting alone...I am not afraid. So, please Haru...let me do this alone._   
_

_Holding my last breath   
Safe inside myself   
Are all my thoughts of you   
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

I wish I was your heart...so I could _always_ be with you. I want to be the one who keeps you alive. Let me be the one who gives...you my last breath.

_I'll miss the winter   
A world of fragile things   
Look for me in the white forest   
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)   
I know you hear me   
I can taste it in your tears_

You were so kind...I wish I wasn't the one to make you cry...but I must go.

_Holding my last breath   
Safe inside myself   
Are all my thoughts of you   
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

Just have faith in me...that I could make it...just give me a chance...to fight with until my last breath.

Closing your eyes to disappear   
You pray your dreams will leave you here   
But still you wake and know the truth   
No one's there

Our memories returned to me in my dreams. I never forgotten our days together...all the emotions we shared...you were my family...you were my home..._   
_

_Say goodnight   
_

...my first love...

_Don't be afraid_

...my Haru. _   
_

_Calling me calling me as you fade to black_

It's alright...It's alright...in the end you'll see....the reason of my doing was....

_"Because I love you, that's why." _

Yes. That's why.

_**Lyrics by: EVANESCENCE - "My Last Breath" **_

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**THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS: **

**Haru and Kisa Lover: **Thanks for being one of my biggest readers! Plus, the grammar thing really made me look over at stuff more closely, Arigato! If I am inspired, I might write a fic about Kisa and Haru. Thanks again for keeping up with my works! Thank you for all your kind compliments!

**Aikaishi**I am glad you like the fic and happy to be an inspiration! Thanks for helping me here and there with my deranged spelling. You are right that there is not enough Haru/Rin fics out there. I wrote this fic because I this paring is so intriguing, plus I want to do something different than everyone else. There are very interesting individuals...both Rin and Haru. Haru's the nice, calm, cool, my pace type of guy whose always sweet to everyone and Rin's the stubborn, strong woman with good intentions of her negative actions. They really complement each other, ne?

**KawaiiAyu**Yay! Thanks for cheering me on! It really kept me going! Another Rin/Haru fic? Hmm...it's a possibility...if I am inspired again.

**Kori hime: **Yay! You did keep your promise! The scans are a good visual to have during this story. It really helps to illustrate what the atmosphere was like.

**CrapShack**: They are my favorite couple too!

**sakuryo**Arigato!


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